Valentine's Day

I realize that this post is a little late, but honestly, I had to think about what I wanted to say. I love Valentine's Day because yes, it is somewhat superficial, it reminds us to love. To try to do something special for our loved ones. But, 5 years ago, on Valentine's Day, I lost a loved one to cancer.

I remember that day, oh so well. We knew my Paw Paw's battle was coming to an end, as he had been put on Hospice. You're never really prepared for it, though. I was in the habit of calling in the mornings to check on how things were going and how his night was. My Uncle Brian answered the phone, which I thought was odd, but my dad and his brothers had been known to stay the night to help out. I asked how he was. Uncle Brian hesitated. And I knew. He asked if I had talked to my dad. I said no. He told me that he wasn't with us anymore. I don't remember much of the conversation after that. I feel certain that I moved as fast as I could to get ready and get down there. (My grandparents lived in Birmingham, which is about an hour away.) By the time I got there, his body had been moved and they were breaking down his hospital bed. It was so surreal to see it.

I can also remember the day my dad told me that Paw Paw had lung cancer. It was my brother in laws 40th birthday party. He told me that Paw Paw planned to fight it. A few weeks later, we crowded around his room as he went for one of his first Chemo treatments. He said, again, that he was going to fight it. It was in an inoperable spot in his lung, so surgery wasn't an option, they just hoped to be about to reduce it with chemo and radiation.

I have so many great memories of my Paw Paw. He wasn't a man of many words, my Grandmother always did enough talking for the both of them. I can remember when they built their lake house. He built a lot of it himself. He was always doing projects like that. He tried to teach me how to fish. He let me drive his boat.

When they moved back to Birmingham, he finished their basement himself. My cousins and I loved to play down there. It was perfect to play house in. It had a small kitchen, our own tv, couch, etc.

Paw Paw had also seen war, like most of the men his age. He had a tattoo on his forearm of an anchor. I was always enamored with it. He wore these soft flannel shirts and he always took his shoes off before coming into the house. When I would spend the weekends with them, my parents would drop me off at the body shop that he worked at and I would ride home with him. Most of the time, I would fall asleep on the ride.

It was right after Christmas that we got the news that he wasn't going to be able to fight much longer. They wanted to bring Hospice in to make him more comfortable. I knew that I needed to spend as much time with him as I could. I skipped my classes to spend time with him. I went down there most days of the week. He was in and out of consciousness. I hated seeing him like that, because that was not the Paw Paw I remember. But, I'm glad I did. My Grandmother needed her grandchildren and children there for support.

My cousin Beth's birthday is the 17th and I always wondered how his death affected her, because it was 3 days before her birthday.

We all miss Paw Paw. He may have never gotten to see me get married or my children born, but he passed on some genes to them, such as their red curly hair. I will leave you with my very favorite picture of my Paw Paw.