I have been more than my fair share of sluggish lately. I am not sure if I am just not recovered all the lack of sleep from Blissdom, but I haven't had the energy to run. Or really get out of my pajamas, if I am being completely honest.
This month really isn't the month to be slacking. I am seriously undertrained for this half marathon, and I need to get my miles in. I realize, that I extremely obsessive about things that don't matter, such as an imaginary knee pain that I think I am making up. I have googled it and webMD'ed and nothing comes up for knee pain that is below the knee cap, but only peaks it's ugly head when I am running. And not every time that I run. I am icing and taking Ibuprofen and that seems to help. Why can't I be happy? I swear, I set myself up for failure with my neuroses.
I had a good long talk with myself today about this. I think that, in my head, running should come easy. There shouldn't be any pain and it should slightly resemble running in a field of rainbows. But it doesn't. It's sweaty. And not easy. Running 6 miles SHOULD hurt. Think about all of those football players that we idolize. How many ice baths do they take on a daily basis? How many times do they stretch? How many times do they workout? We never see it. How many times do they play with broken ribs or hands or concussions? We never know about it. They play through the pain. We just see greatness between the goal posts and don't know what it has taken to get there.
I am never going to win races. I will always be a middle of the pack runner. But I set myself up for failure by beating myself up because someone else runs 12 miles a day, every day, or takes crazy awesome photographs, or seems to have a clean house and perfectly dressed and well behaved children.
Some things are easier for some people. But most things you have to work for and work really hard. Take getting pregnant. For some, all they have to do is look at their hubby across the room, others have to take medications, inject themselves with needles, and have appts with scientists to get their babies. Doesn't make one mommy better than the other.
I struggled today. I didn't want to get on that treadmill today. Wrangling my kids to get dressed, brush their teeth and get in the car, was almost too much. But I knew I would kick myself later for not going. So I went. And I hated just about every minute. I pushed through pain, thirst, and mental abuse to pound out those 4 miles. And I did it one minute under my goal time of 50 minutes. Yes, 50 minutes for 4 miles isn't fast at all. But it was a lot better than sitting on the couch eating my feelings while watching the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Reunion. Even when I got half way, I still wanted to just be done. It wasn't until mile 3, that I started to feel good about what I was doing. I was almost there! I contribute my treadmill victory to Eminem and Rebecca-- her texts were the best. "Look, I think that's a shark behind you!!" Before every race, I get a text from Becca that says, "Run like someone's chasing you."
Training for my Princess Half has been mentally draining for me. I honestly think it's because I am deathly afraid of failure. But I know what it feels like to cross that finish line, and it's one of the greatest accomplishments I've ever done.
I'm going to try to enjoy these next 24 days before my Fairy Godmother sends up those fireworks for me to start my race. Because above it all, I'm doing something not a lot of people can or ever will do- even if I am undertrained for it. Even running 1 mile isn't something a lot of people can do and I need to stop comparing myself to amazing runners and just be happy with what I can do.
Now.. can you name this tune? It's incredibly cheesy, but I totally needed it today.
"Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling thru
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
The dream that you wish will come true"
i think u are doing amazing & i am so jealous! i just did my first 5k last year & thought i accomplished something big!! lol:) you can do it & do NOT give up! you have 4 little eyes watching you!!!! have a great evening!
ReplyDeleteIs it Cinderella?
ReplyDeleteI know a girl that runs marathons and for every mile she ran she said a prayer. Like mile one you can pray for John, mile two for Addison and three for Claire and so on and so on. Keeps your mind off of the pain and strengthens your prayer life!
The fact that you can even make it to mile 3 is an inspiration to me. I can't even do a solid mile without thinking I'm going to die.
ReplyDeleteKeep on running! I think you're amazing.
My sister and I went out to run today and I seriously thought I would die. We did 2.2 miles and we did a walk/jog. But definitely felt better after we did it!
ReplyDeleteDon't be too hard on yourself! Just do the best you can :)
I am impressed that you got out there and got your run in- and 4 miles is awesome, I would love to be able to run that, but I think I'd die before I hit mile 1. Hopefully someday I'll get there! This was a great post, just getting over that mental hurdle is the toughest. I think it is really hard with small kids, too- they really make it hard to get anything accomplished for ourselves.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work- I think you are doing great!
Good for you for just getting it over with! You're a better woman than I - moving from the couch to the chair is about all I've managed today :)
ReplyDeleteIf you think your knee is hurting, then go get it checked. I had three knee surgeries because my knee cap was dislocated, but it all started from the bone under the knee cap. Had I gone earlier and just strengthened the muscles around, I probably could have avoided knee surgeries. Sit in a chair and with your leg straight out in front of you and then slowly bend your knee (to like sitting position). Watch your knee cap. It should move in a straight line. If it curves at all, it is called J-tracking. (because it curves like a J). A PT can give you exercises to do to strenthen the muscles and help hold it tight so the bones don't rub. Usually girls that cheer or do gymnastics have this problem and don't know it according to two of the three doctors I saw!
ReplyDeleteGirl, I am SO SORRY that you are mentally struggling with training!! You are so right though...it is supposed to hurt and we want everything to be easy but the best rewards come from the hardest things. It is so hard to be motivated when you are sleep deprived though, I totally understand!! YOU CAN DO THIS!! Good job getting the gym and doing your workout! Seriously, 99% of the world or more probably can't do what you are going to do...you ROCK!
ReplyDeleteI can't get my butt out of bed to exercise much less train. My hat's off to you and your imaginary knee pain!
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